Recently I have been enhancing my study of the Iliad by watching Friday Night Lights (FNL). This series focuses on the dynamics of the "pre-state society" in a Texas high school which, of course, centers around the "warrior culture" of football. A major departure from the Iliad is the role that infidelity plays. In the Iliad, the unfaithfulness of Helen sets up the whole story, but in FNL unfaithfulness plays a less fundamental role.
The star quarterback, Jason Street, is paralyzed early in the season. His long-term (since 8th grade) girlfriend, Lyla Garrity, is distraught and shows up strongly to help. However trouble looms as it becomes clear to Jason that he is not going to fully recover, while Lyla continues to see him getting better and getting back to a football career. It appears that he starts to feel like she is loving him not as him, but as a future NFL star. As a result of an explosive conversation to establish the reality of long-term paralysis, Lyla gets distraught and seeks comfort in the arms of Jason's best friend Tim Riggins. Tim, who has gone into a depressed state over a misplaced sense of responsibility for Jason's injury, has already broken up with his girlfriend Tyra.
The situation is difficult for all of these high schoolers who are encountering a challenge beyond the skills they have developed. Life does that. To stabilize, Lyla clearly engages in "triangling" (psychological term) or "cheating" (street term). I was sympathetic to Lyla. She's lost; her anchor is gone. She had built her future with regard to schooling and career around Jason's prospective career. As she swirls out, she ends up in Tim's arms. I was also sympathetic to Tim because he was depressed and single (having broken up with Tyra) and, of course, Lyla is a knock out.
Jason didn't see it my way. At first he stays in denial but as he heals physically, he begins to heal emotionally and honors himself. Based on an intuition and a brief sighting of Tim and Lyla together, he punches Tim in the face and confronts him. Lyla breaks down and admits wrongdoing. Jason takes the difficult journey to go his own way.
My instinct was for Jason to hold it together and to blame Lyla for not sticking to her story. But my instinct was wrong and is evidence of my own history. The "triangling" (still prefer to be non-judgmental here) by Lyla was because the relationship no longer really worked. Yes she loved Jason, but it's a big and possibly ridiculous ask of a high school girl to take on a life-long paraplegic. Her best avenue would have been to openly address it with Jason, but again, that's a huge ask for so much emotional maturity. The "triangling" worked to get Lyla out of what she didn't really want to be in and for that reason, I think her honesty was a good call.
The key action was Jason honoring her triangling by leaving the relationship. In a similar situation, I would have (and have) just "sucked it up" and played "forgive and forget." Unfortunately that creates unprocessed trauma that simply blinds the intuitive self - the self that showed up in Jason's sense that all was not right and made the subsequent decisions. I don't view Lyla as a "slut" or worthy of shaming, but she was no longer a person for Jason to be in relationship with. A relationship needs to be based in safety and an emotional sense of being the top priority.
So what about Tim? Again, in a similar situation, I would have (and have) taken advantage of such discord with various rationalizations. Tim lacks any kind of home life, so I don't judge him as a "piece of sh.." After all, we are all doing the best we can. But pity dishonors a person. The consequence of Tim's damaged home life is the reality that Tim lacks the ability to honor friendship. Jason's confrontation honors Tim and forces realistic self-appraisal. That recognition is ultimately in Tim's best interest.
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