Civil vs. Polite

In English usage, the connotations of civil are different than polite or political. The word civil comes from the Latin word civis, meaning "citizen" and is related to the Latin word civitas, meaning "state." The words political and polite come from the Greek word πολις or polis, meaning "city-state." A recent discussion forced me to reflect on the differences.

Clearly, we intuitively prefer someone to be civil rather than polite. Polite and political both indicate a superficial action designed to create an external environment which may not reflect an interior state. On the other hand, civil and civilization indicate a profound sense of quality and even reasonableness in which the exterior and interior states are harmonized. What could be the linguistic roots for such difference given the similar origins of the word?

In our discussion, we explored different meanings of civil and got around to that civil behavior is one that seeks common ground. From this definition, I began to understand a possible reason for the development of different meanings. The Greek polis designated a "city-state" which carried its own environment, its own gods and culture. On the other hand, the Roman world was concerned about connectivity. A recent National Geographic article highlights the characteristics of roads as the defining feature. In fact, in the Roman's original 12 laws, rules of the road were one of this all-important list.

My take-away? Finding common ground and processing with compromise is the keystone for civilized behavior. We are all the center of our own universes and starting with that humble understand can lead to productive engagement. The recent environment of polite behavior which dismisses opinions not equally shared may have driven some of the recently unleashed divisiveness.

The Case Against Turning a Blind Eye

Recently I have been enhancing my study of the Iliad by watching Friday Night Lights (FNL). This series focuses on the dynamics of the "pre-state society" in a Texas high school which, of course, centers around  the "warrior culture" of football. A major departure from the Iliad is the role that infidelity plays. In the Iliad, the unfaithfulness of Helen sets up the whole story, but in FNL unfaithfulness plays a less fundamental role.

The star quarterback, Jason Street, is paralyzed early in the season. His long-term (since 8th grade) girlfriend, Lyla Garrity, is distraught and shows up strongly to help. However trouble looms as it becomes clear to Jason that he is not going to fully recover, while Lyla continues to see him getting better and getting back to a football career. It appears that he starts to feel like she is loving him not as him, but as a future NFL star. As a result of an explosive conversation to establish the reality of long-term paralysis, Lyla gets distraught and seeks comfort in the arms of Jason's best friend Tim Riggins. Tim, who has gone into a depressed state over a misplaced sense of responsibility for Jason's injury, has already broken up with his girlfriend Tyra.

The situation is difficult for all of these high schoolers who are encountering a challenge beyond the skills they have developed. Life does that. To stabilize, Lyla clearly engages in "triangling" (psychological term) or "cheating" (street term). I was sympathetic to Lyla. She's lost; her anchor is gone. She had built her future with regard to schooling and career around Jason's prospective career. As she swirls out, she ends up in Tim's arms. I was also sympathetic to Tim because he was depressed and single (having broken up with Tyra) and, of course, Lyla is a knock out.

Jason didn't see it my way. At first he stays in denial but as he heals physically, he begins to heal emotionally and honors himself. Based on an intuition and a brief sighting of Tim and Lyla together, he punches Tim in the face and confronts him. Lyla breaks down and admits wrongdoing. Jason takes the difficult journey to go his own way. 

My instinct was for Jason to hold it together and to blame Lyla for not sticking to her story. But my instinct was wrong and is evidence of my own history. The "triangling" (still prefer to be non-judgmental here) by Lyla was because the relationship no longer really worked. Yes she loved Jason, but it's a big and possibly ridiculous ask of a high school girl to take on a life-long paraplegic. Her best avenue would have been to openly address it with Jason, but again, that's a huge ask for so much emotional maturity. The "triangling" worked to get Lyla out of what she didn't really want to be in and for that reason, I think her honesty was a good call. 

The key action was Jason honoring her triangling by leaving the relationship. In a similar situation, I would have (and have) just "sucked it up" and played "forgive and forget." Unfortunately that creates unprocessed trauma that simply blinds the intuitive self - the self that showed up in Jason's sense that all was not right and made the subsequent decisions. I don't view Lyla as a "slut" or worthy of shaming, but she was no longer a person for Jason to be in relationship with. A relationship needs to be based in safety and an emotional sense of being the top priority. 

So what about Tim? Again, in a similar situation, I would have (and have) taken advantage of such discord with various rationalizations. Tim lacks any kind of home life, so I don't judge him as a "piece of sh.." After all, we are all doing the best we can. But pity dishonors a person. The consequence of Tim's damaged home life is the reality that Tim lacks the ability to honor friendship. Jason's confrontation honors Tim and forces realistic self-appraisal. That recognition is ultimately in Tim's best interest.

Mηνιν Part 3; more thoughts on the Iliad

In a couple of prior posts, I have explored the importance of μηνιν, the word that opens the Iliad and describes the kind of rage that Achilles was experiencing. In my first post, I explored the existential feeling of this type of rage and provided some personal examples of moments when some seemingly trivial issue felt like the time to take a stand. In my second post, I proposed the movie of Dazed and Confused and Texas football as modern avatars for understanding the "pre-state" and "warrior society" that serve as the contexts for the Iliad.

The Iliad is primarily about the development of Achilles as a coming of age story (or bildungsroman as my daughter Brooke would say) where the word μηνιν sets up as the gauge of his spiritual journey. This view is not commonly held. The result is that readers often incorrectly think that the Iliad is about other areas that really serve as stage props, such as Fate, the Gods and Goddesses, shields and spears and speech-making. What makes it difficult to see the Iliad as a coming of age story?

Coming of age stories generally have to do with adolescents. In adolescence, we make important first steps to differentiate our singular selves from family and society. The suddenly closed doors of teenagers is a sign of this personal cocooning as we dismember and remember our real selves. Lasting damage, showing up as people pleasing and cowardice, can occur when teens are deprived of this developmental phase. But adolescence is not the only period where we make significant steps to differentiate ourselves. Coming of age moments, like those of Job in the Bible, can occur at any time.

Yet there is a reason that we typically locate this process in adolescence - it is a period of heightened sensitivity. This heightened sensitivity characterizes Achilles and is the nuance of the word μηνιν. This sensitivity sets up the conflict between him and Agamemnon. Readers, and even scholars, view his μηνιν or "rage" as an example of how trivial things can have terrible consequences. This interpretation marginalizes a universal work of defining oneself into an archaic piece on morality and society. 

By viewing his "rage" as a case of "making a mountain out of a molehill," Achilles is seen as a "monster" or a "hero." His athletic, physical and military capacities become defining characteristics of the "monster" or "hero" rather than simply props to highlight the dynamism and sublimity of his personal and deeply human growth. The Iliad's things, people, Gods and Goddesses remain static, while Achilles undergoes significant change.  

The other narrative that plagues readers is that Homer has written an anti-war work. Such a reading simply does not work, but I think this is increasingly popular so as to suit current narratives and sensitivities. Over and over again, Homer gloriously outlines the thrill of the chase in war and the agony of war's injury and defeat with exquisitely beautiful natural similes. The Greeks, of which Homer was one, are repeatedly called "war-loving." In this framework, he is saying that for better or worse, this is what we do. We fight. We love. We die. Nature (no subjectivity) and the Gods and Goddess (no mortality) can't experience life like we do. To feel and to actually love the sensation of "kill or be killed" (give glory to the other or get it for yourself) sets up the sensation of what's at stake in becoming our fullest selves and in this sensation is the most sublime beauty. 

Emergence from Achilles' psychological "cocoon" occurs when Priam kisses Achilles hands. Achilles is affected with wonder and asks himself "Can he (Priam) be a God?" Achilles is overcome by the beauty and the power of an action so unnatural as for a father to kiss the hands that have murdered his own offspring. Achilles pays him the highest compliment, that Priam has "a heart of iron" - a description used repeatedly about Achilles. Achilles' deep admiration creates an ability to abide as Priam and Achilles weep together - Priam for his son and Achilles for his father and his lover Patroclus. Achilles heart fulls and suddenly shifts. It heals. Achilles moves fully into his own, culminating in them mirroring each other with an expansive love physical, emotional with spiritual with poignancy driven by its evanescence. And we all weep with them for the beauty and the pain of our mortal selves.

TGIF

I have a Latin calendar on my bulletin board next to my English calendar. (Of course...as David Ogilvy said, "cultivate eccentricities early because that way people are less likely to think you've gone gaga in old age.") In another clear example of gender inequality, the only female figure after which a day of the week is named on the Latin calendar is Veneris, the Day of Venus. Most Romance language speaking countries follow suit (except for Sardinia because of some exiled Jews - always causing problems! lol). But, while the female named days are in the vast minority, none of the other days of the week are deserving of an acronym. 

Friday, or Freitag in German countries, is also named after a female goddess - Frigg or Frigga (and you thought that was simply some euphemism for not saying the other "f" word). Frigg is the goddess wife of Odin and plays the same powerful yet seductive and tricky role that Hera does for Zeus. It seems likely that the day was named consistently for female divinities because it was the time for going home and restoring oneself. So, the next time you see TGIF, give a little shout out to gender equity and say Thank Goddess it's Friday.

Mῆνιν Part 2; More Thoughts On the Iliad

In an earlier post (here), I discussed the opening word of the Iliad and gave some relevant personal examples to indicate my initial sense of the word. But my thoughts are evolving. Last night, our class opened up a discussion of the first 12 books of the Iliad. Astutely led by John McGowan, the class engaged in a thoughtful discussion of the role of Achilles, of "honor," of women, of Fate (as algorithm!) and "hero" culture.

During class, I did not share my obsession with μῆνιν as I thought it risked a redirect from a fruitful collaborative discussion. Yet I continue to hold that the key to this work is getting that one word right. Dr. McGowan brought out context - that the Iliad depicted a "warrior culture" in a "prestate society." This resonated with me. Before class, I had held the movie "Dazed and Confused" to be the contemporary avatar of the Iliad. I could not better describe my Iowa public high school of the mid-70s than as a "warrior culture" in a "prestate society."

Football was the expression of a warrior culture in which the best were heroes, in which injuries were life changing moments to be told and retold and in which the women and fame went to the winners. Long after trophies were won and put into glass cases as prized possessions, stories were repeated about the heroes who had won them. While we lived in a "state," our high school society was "prestate" and a world of its own. 

When one of the class brought up the "raw authenticity of emotions," it moved to the tone within the context. The raw authenticity of emotions confirms the reality of μῆνιν. Dr. McGowan mused that we can't seem to command and control our anger. In my reading of the Greek language and culture, this power of the irrational was the most disturbing to the Greeks. Just as many religious people concoct fantasies as to why bad things happen to good people, the Greeks did the same to account for irrationality in a world of reason. Is Achilles' μῆνιν is rational, irrational or suprarational?

In the movie "Dazed and Confused," the connective theme is whether or not the quarterback, Randall "Pink" Floyd is going to play quarterback for the senior year. He has his own personal μῆνιν in response to the coach's demand that all the players sign a no drug use pledge. The urging of lifelong friends and teammates have little impact on his struggle to define and live his best life. But through a personal process unclear to those around him, he does define himself and the movie ends with "Slow Ride" playing as they ride off into the Texas horizon. 

Dr. McGowan highlighted the stakes of Achilles' decision. When you know that there is no life like the one you have now, then what's the best way to live it? Randall Floyd understood that life doesn't get much better than being a high school senior and in that opportunity sought his best life. In this way with the fullness of self-reflection, love and engagement, Achilles struggles to define himself. He's not, as some mentioned, a "monster" or "egotistical" or "monomaniacal." Instead, he's a man who struggles to be true to his sense of who he is. He knows he's not in Troy because he hates the Trojans or because he needs more fame or women or money. Mῆνιν is the agonizing birth of Achilles defining and expressing his own personhood not simply as a "doer of deeds and a speaker of words." Mῆνιν captures the powerful "manic" nature of the experience of the transitioning expressive self and the perception of this transition by its community.