Tochacha

The Hebrew word tochacha is important to understand. Variously translated as rebuke, reproof or chastisement, tochacha seems harsh and undesirable. None of us like to be told that we have been or are wrong. Our egos are perfectionists, preferring to be right rather than happy.

Our goal, then, shouldn't be perfection, but growth. The reality is that we all make mistakes and are frequently wrong. In order to make a stepping stone out of these stumbling blocks, a different translation for tochacha may be more helpful to this growth process. For me, a better translation would be "illumination," as that indicates its core kindness.

There are two sides to tochacha - the receiving and the giving. Receiving "illumination" is not easy. Our egos often interfere. Sometimes we're just not ready. After forty long years in the desert, Moses told the Jews, "but God did not give you a heart to know, or eyes to see, or ears to hear until this day." If it took the Jews forty years to get it, we should be patient with ourselves.

In turn, such patience can help us when we give tochacha. Just as with money, giving tochacha is much harder than receiving. As a friend of mine says, "no good deed goes unpunished." By recognizing that "illumination" occurs beyond our control, we can patiently wait for it to be requested. We are not responsible for another's outcome - only for our availability. Further, by understanding tochacha as "illumination," our requested help may be less forced.