One day a friend of mine observed that I simply stopped eating partway through my meal. He said, "why did you stop eating?" I replied, "I always stop when I feel I've had enough." He laughed and said, "If I stopped eating when I felt like it, I would weigh 300 pounds!" His comment stuck with me. I am the same weight as I was in high school and had little change. Part genes, of course, but clearly not a function of self-discipline. There has been no effort on controlling my diet.
Recently I have read some information about addiction being based in a notion of homeostasis. We all have notions of what it's like to feel "normal." Go to any AA speaker meeting and the speaker will share the sense of "being normal" that occurred with the first time under the influence of alcohol. The idea that addiction is rooted in a biological commitment to "feeling normal" seems powerful and speaks to the movement away from addiction: setting a "new normal."
For example, I simply cannot have certain kinds of sweets in my home. The sweets that I enjoy are the ones which evoke a feeling of being loved - delicious chocolates for example. Others in my home can simply have a chocolate and, like me with food, say "I've had enough." But these chocolates evoke a different cycle for me. The first chocolate tells me not only "this is good," but also, "OMG...I know what love is!" That's a dangerous space for someone from a love-deprived upbringing.
To attack the problem by self-control is treating a symptom. My approach of simply not having such sweets around is effective, but in the apt description of my girlfriend is "pathetic." Moving to a "new normal" is a more powerful and long-term solution. To move a sense of "normal" means addressing the source - in my case, to address and heal the sensation of a love-deprived upbringing.
